Thank you very many. Hi.

(Czech people sometimes say thank you very many instead of thank you very much. They also get confused because Ahoj/Cau in Czech mean hello and goodbye. It's so cute when people I work with say Hi! instead of Bye!)

It's my last day of work! True to form I haven't done anything work-related although they did wait until 4:00pm to tell me there was drama with closing my account when I get off at 4:30. Thank you KB.

So, I'll probably have really sporadic email/internet contact from now until I get home. I'll try to update once in a while but no promises. If you email and I don't reply it's because either I haven't read it or I just haven't had a chance to reply. I promise I will be better in mid-late June once I am home.

For all of you that are wondering what I'm doing from now until then it will be something like this:
Prague- Jennski's Bday and Cesky Raj trip
Berlin-seeing a friend from Guadalajara
Amsterdam-friends and dropping off luggage
Copenhagen-seeing my friends that were on exchange in Edmonton last year
Stockholm-meeting some friends from Mexico
Barcelona-meeting my sister and her friend and traveling with them through Spain and Morocco
Rabat
Marrakech
Granada
Sevilla
Portugal-haven't figured out exactly where yet and will be traveling by myself. A first. Scawy!
Madrid- seeing friends
Barcelona- seeing a friend
Amsterdam- picking up my luggage, seeing friends, and back home!
June 18- Edmonton!

And yes, my trip was determined in part by visiting as many places that I could possibly stay for free in. I am cheap. And I really want to see my friends! Really.

Na shledanou to KB and the Czech Republic (soon)!

No shit! Punish!

This last weekend was spent at an Aiesec conference in Sec hanging out with a bunch of the other trainees. It was eventful.

On the way there our train was about an hour late so we missed the last bus connection from Pardubice to Sec. We then decided it would be a good idea to try and hitch a ride. We were wildly unsuccessful but we did manage to meet the 2 creepiest people in Pardubice. Go us! Nuria also made a beautiful sign. I really can't understand why our requests of, "Prosim!!! Prosim!!!" didn't get us anywhere. However, we managed to get someone from the conference to pick us up so everything worked out.

Once there we got the party started until about 5:30am when Claireski and I looked at each other and were like, "this is boring now, let's go to bed!". We were lucky once we woke up, the weather was beautiful and the rest of the day we spent lazing by the lake. Well, I lazed, the guys actually played ultimate frisbee, can't believe they were exercising. That night was much like the previous one (drinking games, drinking, socializing, topalky this time) and the next day we woke up and just sat around until we caught a bus out of there.

Stuff from the weekend:
-Menia explaining the seriousness of topalky (Boat races- where people stand in a line facing each other and each side is a team. One person drinks their entire beer then the next person starts. Whichever team finishes first wins.). She was describing a situation in which she held off on drinking her beer to make the competition more exciting and her friends almost killed her. Words of wisdom: "There are friends, and there's topalky".
-Mauro lamenting the fact that he "tried so hard tonight and still didn't punish last night!"
-Will's totem pole story- his boss who always corrects his English (but doesn't speak English that well) doesn't believe Will when Will tells him the name for a large outdoor sign (like the one outside of a car dealership that says Ford or something) isn't totem pole. The boss is convinced the proper term is "totem pole". Finally, the boss relents a bit-- he changes "totem pole" to "totem (outdoor sign)". Right. This story is a million times better when Will tells it.
-Mauro's presentation on his time in Mozambique. There is a serious side to Mauro, he spent 6 months in Mozambique teaching English staying in a place without running water or electricity. When asked if he had ever picked up a girl after telling them this inspirational story Mauro said "oh yeah, last time I gave this presentation in Italy". Unfortunately, he did not pick up that night. Mauro, don't worry, you've still got it...somewhere.
-Drinking games with a bunch of the trainees-you learn so much about people in such a short time. Really. You did what in a H&M dressing room??
-Claire adding the "hlavni nadrazi" dance to her reportoire. Her other dance is the "namesti dance". They are both futsking dobře. It was also awesome to see Yuanski bust a move at the par-tay. Go Yuanski! We all shook it like a polaroid picture
-The completely awful food at the conference- cold chicken shnitzel (looks like a big chicken nugget) and liver soup are not good. I didn't eat properly until Sunday night.
-The Brno trainees said the most overused word by the Prague trainees was "shit", in sentences such as "No shit!" or "I shit you not!", and they all told us that we said "punish" way too much. Maybe we'll convert them and they'll start to say it too. I'm feeling pretty good about that right now.

All the futsking dobře pictures are right here.

Thank you Captain Obvious

I just read this while surfing the internet at work.

The first line says "A new survey suggests workers are surfing their way away from job productivity, with a full 2.09 hours a day on average spent wasting time on the internet."

My first thought was, "Dude, I spend way more time wasting time than that! Does that mean these people work the other 6 hours?"

I'm not good at math, but here are some numbers

Number of minutes I was late to work today: 163 (I was still responsible, I sent them a text message saying I had to speak with my landlord. By speak with my landlord I meant sleep in.)

Number of "working" days left (not counting today): 4 (Probably should be "number of days I have to come to work and try to occupy my time for 8 hrs when I don't have ANYTHING to do")

Number of days left until I leave Brno: 7 (Tear!)

Number of days until I am back in Edmonton: 59 (Do you miss me?)

Number of days since I came to the Czech Republic: 251 (Holy futsk)

Number of countries I have been to since I came to Europe: 9 (Yay!)

Number of other countries I will visit before going back to Canada: 7 (Double yay!)

Number of degrees it is outside today: 19 (I finally put away the winter jacket)

Number of castles I've been to in the Czech Republic: 7 (They're everywhere!)

Number of Czech crowns needed to get 1 euro: 28.5 (Painful)

Number of minutes spent trying to think of something entertaining to add to the list before giving up and staring out the window because thinking hurts: 2.8

Prosim! A Tairyfale: Part II

The journey continued the next morning after a multitude of cold showers as the group ventured to the true land of tairyfaleness- Cesky Krumlov. With its beautiful castle tower and all around quaintness despite the hordes of German and Japanese tourists, it is indeed the land where dreams come true. Also the land where usage of the word “prosim” reached previously unimaginable levels. There were just so many examples of prosim-ness that there is a photo album dedicated to PROSIM! After a tour of the castle (with a splendid tour guide who did not make eye contact and let out big SIGHS!), random wanderings, dances in the namesti (the German tourists loved Claire dancing it up in the square) much food, cocktails, and rousing games of Uno the group decided to embark on what was to be the mission of the night. Get the party started for young Yuan (aka Yuanski) who was turning 22. Yuanski rang in her birthday in a truly unforgettable manner: on the bridge in Cesky Krumlov looking at the tower and the Jesus statue, with birthday dances and many words ending in -ski. Why is it so much funski? I don’t knowski! It just iski. Or isski? The search for fun endured for a while as the group tried to find a gathering place that was affordable and ended up at a different hostel bar playing sociables til 4am when they were subsequently cut off and then kicked out. The fun wasn't over yet, as they then managed to enrage the other occupants of their hostel room with late night pizza eating and pathetic attempts at whispers. And then Erik fell asleep in bed with his glasses on.

Alas, even good things must come to an end. The following day the kids had to leave, but not without doing more eating, drinking, and castle-seeing. And there were bears. Why? They lived in the bear moat of course!

Now all that remains of this real-life tairyfale is the memories, copious amounts of pictures and video, and of course… all the shit that was stolen (well, don't they factor that into the price?)

The booty: (yes, I just wanted to say booty)
-Approximately 6 candleholders (It’s bohemian crystal!)
-Ashtray
-A lighter
-Beer mug
-Napkins + napkin holder
-Coasters (aka beer mats) and the holder too I think…
-Wine glass
-Mini wine pitcher
And that my friends, is alternative souvenir shopping.

Here are the photos.

Prosim! A Tairyfale: Part I

Main Characters: Claire (UK), Jenny (China), Nuria (Spain), Erik (Canada), Yuan (China), me

Takes place in: Praha, Hluboka, Ceske Budejovice, Cesky Krumlov

Once upon a pivo... there were 6 merry youngsters who decided to see what Southern Bohemia had to offer. They travelled from far and wide (Brno and Praha) in hopes of having a magical tairyfale weekend. It was futsking dobře.

They began their journey Friday by meeting in Praha, and went out for some pre-trip bonding where they had the pleasure of watching a Czech man dance on a pole and push girls out of the way so that he could have more attention whilst displaying his sensual dance of love.

Early the next morning they embarked on a journey to the village of Hluboka to see a castle that appeared as if it had come straight out of a Disney movie. In line with traditional Czech Easter practice, they carried with them a lucky stick (it is Czech tradition to whip girls with birch sticks on Easter Monday, but since Erik was the only boy, the girls decided to whip him instead). Many a funny moment ensued with the stick, but the girls were soon to realize that Erik should not be trusted as he plotted to gain control of the stick. Alas, (for Erik), the girls were cunning enough to recover control of the stick. He was punished accordingly.

The youngsters, having resided in the Czech Republic for a while, decided to tour the castle with the Czech tour as they had missed the English tour. They soon realized that although they have lived in the Czech Republic for a while, they are incapable of understanding anything in Czech that does not refer to ordering beer. After the tour, in true tairyfale fashion, they witnessed 2 weddings. The merry group was astounded at the utterly unsightly wedding dresses, and more troublingly, the hairstyle of one of the grooms. The groom had taken pains to fashion the most hideous mullet known to man. The girls questioned, “Why? Why? Why would you marry a man with a mullet?”, and were puzzled as the bride was not even ugly. Prayers for the bride, hope Mr. Mullet was rich. Yuan was previously unfamiliar with the term mullet (best explained as business up front, party in the back), and asked “What if you’re balding and you have longer hair at the back, but nothing really up front?”. She was soon to learn this maxim, “The mullet is a choice, baldness is not your fault”.

After admiring the beautiful castle, our fair group decided they needed a change of scenery and moved along to Ceske Budejovice, the home of the “original” Budweiser brewery. They met many a character inside the restaurant/brewhouse, including a table of people who were testing their alcohol level with a breathalyser a la Tucker Max, and a fat man who came over and gave everyone at the table little paper umbrellas to stick in their food. Nuria was presented with a decorated egg from another intoxicated fellow as well. All in all, a good time. Our group also was informed that beer is 90% water, a fact which, in itself, justifies beer consumption. One needs 8 cups of water a day! Keeping this in mind, the braver few opted to try the 1L beer, which came in glasses larger than the size of most of their heads.

Once the beer was finished, the troupe decided to find their accommodation for the night in Ceske Budejovice. Lost for a moment, they soon realized that there were a few Mormon missionaries around (recognizable by short sleeve shirts and ties), and asked for directions. Soon they were able to locate their pension, although they had no idea what the grandma who showed them their rooms was saying. After a trip to the town square, and dinner, the day soon came to an end. Exhausted from the day, the group decided to have an early night.

To be continued...


Note--
The three most overused words on this trip were:
1. Prosím-Czech for "please, you're welcome, or pardon", which we soon adopted to mean pretty much anything based on context and how you said it.
2. Dobře- Czech for "good, ok, all right"
3. Futsk-'Fuck' read as if you were reading it in Czech (where 'c' is pronounced 'ts'), therefore futsk.

All three in a sentence: "Prosím! That was so futsking dobře!"

Aidez les oiseaux / Help the Birds was the subject

My sister forwarded this email to me that she received from her friend at Environment Canada. No joke. Actually, maybe it's a joke. My comments are in red.


************** Canadian Wildlife Service Migration Alert *************

Help the birds – turn off the lights! I don't want to help birds.

Hundreds of thousands of birds will soon be winging (what clever word usage) their way back to Canada, filling the skies with song (which is freaking annoying, especially in the morning). Unfortunately, human-built structures, especially highly reflective or brightly lit structures, can pose a fatal obstacle to birds. Birds in flight are confused by lights, mirrored glass and windows. (ie birds are stupid) The good news is we can all take simple steps NOW to significantly reduce bird collisions.

Up to 100 million birds die in collisions each year in North America.

STEP #1 – Know when migrating birds are passing through your region
Atlantic Canada: April 5 to June 7
East-Central Canada: April 1 to June 7
Prairie Canada: April 15 to June 7 thank god I'll be out of the country for this
Pacific Canada: April 1 to June 7
STEP #2 – Consider the following measures to counteract collisions

For building managers:
ensure that non-essential exterior lights are shut off between 11 p.m. and 5 a.m.
encourage occupants to take some of the actions mentioned below

For building occupants:
make sure you either turn off your office lights when you leave, or pull your blinds down to block indoor light
at home - turn off spotlights or other exterior lights between 11 p.m. and 5 a.m.
keep pet cat(s) indoors
consider the potential lethality of house windows to birds when designing a garden - don't plant bushes too close to windows Yes, let the birds dictate your creative freedom
consider hanging bird deterrent devices (such as old compact discs and tin can lids) (decorate your house with crap! You can pick some of it up at the local landfill too!) at windows that pose a high risk (like picture windows)

For more information:

Fatal Light Awareness Program (FLAP): http://www.flap.org/new/nestegg.htm
Canada Green Building Council: www.cagbc.org
Lights Out Chicago: www.cityofchicago.org/Environment/BirdMigration/sub/lights_out_chicago.html
Birds and Buildings Forum, Chicago: www.birdsandbuildings.org
New York City Audubon: http://nycaudubon.org/NYCASBirdWatch


ALSO---
REAL BABIES SHOULD NEVER SMOKE!
I also read this in the news today. The reason that this is funny is because my friend has one of these. If you look closely at this picture, you can even see the smoke coming out of smoking baby's cigarette.

Full of Magic, Lacking Cheese

This weekend we had some visitors in Brno. The lucky few were Tommaso (Ostrava) and Erik, Jenny, Rapha, Michela and Michela’s sister Kendra joining us from Prahaha.

Highlights of the weekend:
-Beautiful spring weather-- you know it’s spring when you see 2 bugs doing it (as Rapha calls it) “buggystyle” . I’ll post the picture later
-Visiting the Mendel museum where not only did you learn about how Mendel is the “Father of Modern Genetics”, you also had the opportunity to (as the brochure said) learn about “Mendel, the man”. Also had fun taking pictures with the statue outside
-Rapha doing the “reach for the stars” dance at the Spilberk Castle. Why? I don’t remember why, but I have an embarrassing video of him doing it now
-Talking with Jenny and Erik about feelings and magic
-Doing B-52 flaming shots with Nuria, Erik, and Jenny. Jenny got really mad at me because I blew the flame out before I drank it. I know you’re not supposed to do that but my straw caught on fire and the flames were moving rapidly towards me! Sorry Jenny-- I didn’t want 3rd degree burns
-Comparing the guy’s asses and reminiscing about how much fun it was to do that with Bina around
-Sandwiches
-Tommaso bringing his dance moves to Brno again. They still are (and always will be) awesome
-Telling Jenny and Erik that the best smazeny syr was in Brno and we would go to get it after the bar, only to have them run out of smazeny syr by the time we got there. Well, actually there was 1 left and I ate it. They said I could!
-Going to Olomouc on Saturday after getting only 5 hours of sleep
-Taking fun pictures with the Olomouc turtle.
-Being really excited to see the astronomical clock on the hour after missing it during my last visit and then wondering what the fuss was about, the figures didn’t even turn! Ahhh well….
-The carnival like music on the Olomouc trams, much nicer than just a beep
-Forgetting to eat the special Olomouc cheese, a tragedy that was only offset by the fact that we had really good ice cream. Mine was healthy, it was a banana split!

As always, it was dobre. Fakt!

Pinche Pájaro!

Last night I went to see a Mexican film called Matando Cabos at the film festival that is currently on in Brno. It's not the only hip and cool thing happening in Brno at the moment, there's also an agricultural technology trade fair at the conference centre near my place, and the knife show is coming up just around the corner!

Anyway, the website of the film festival said it was in Spanish with English subtitles. It turned out to be in Spanish...without subtitles. Not so good for my friend who didn't speak Spanish, but ok for the rest of us. For the Czech people there was "simultaneous translation" that was obviously delayed because the audience was always laughing a few seconds after us. I think it's funny how there's always just one person translating the movie....poor Czechs have to listen to one lady's voice for all the characters. I think it's the same sometimes with some (probably older) Polish and Russian movies that are dubbed--just one voice for all the characters. Special. Can you imagine something like Napoleon Dynamite being dubbed with one monotonous voice? It would kill the magic.

The movie turned out to be pretty funny, I would definitely recommend it even though there are some kind of gross violent moments. I also loved the fact I could actually understand what they were saying, Spain Spanish still throws me for a loop. It's the damn lisp!

Watching it made me feel really really nostalgic about Mexico--not just for all the great times I had and the people I met (I still think about you hijos de puta all the time, espero que you're having fun at Wal-Mart), but nostalgic for Mexico as a country. I miss the obvious things like tacos (ok, pretty much all food from Mexico--I have a craving for some coctel de mariscos or some pozole...mmm...pozole or chilaquiles or or maybe I shouldn't have started to write this post around lunch time), the beach, the good weather overall, etc etc but also the other random things like the pimped out buses, the weird conversations with taxi drivers, checking out the transvestite hookers on Lopez Mateos, banda music, how people sing along in public when songs they know are playing, random encounters with the police (D, remember that?), bargaining about everything in markets (I tried to bargain in Paris and it so didn't work), just everything. Well, not everything-- but a lot of stuff.

My manera de hablar was so much better when I could punctuate it with things like 'No mames! Que pedo wey? Vete a la verga! No la hagas de pedo!' etc etc. I think my accent in Spanish is permanently fucked up from speaking Spanglish with the other extranjeros in our stupid voices because sometimes when I'm trying to have a serious conversation with someone and have a proper accent one word or phrase that we used to pronounce like idiots will pop out (fgdp- por lo MENOS! Son thuper ricas! Will think about you during Semana Santa even though I will be nowhere near a perfect beach, but maybe I will find a rude waiter like that asshole at the Papaya Playa. Oh, and I won't be stuck wearing my sarong for 3 days straight because they didn't do my laudry overnight like they were supposed to.Hijos de la chingada). No puedo creer que ya hace como 2 años desde que estaba en Mexico con todos ustedes!

I guess another reason for this reflection is because I'm leaving the Czech Republic at the end of April (last day of work in 3 weeks, thank jesus maria) and I know I'm going to go through the same withdrawal and drama of saying goodbye to people that have become like my extended family. I like some of them better than my family! No, I'm kidding...but I still really will miss them (and some of my family reads this blog hehe). At the same time, it will be nice to go home after about 10 months--and I am getting home at the best time of year. Summer. I'm travelling around Europe after I leave the Ceska Republika, so I'll be home mid-June. (Start planning my surprise welcome back party now)

I'm sure after a few months I will be cursing Canada, but unfortunately permanent responsibility-free escape won't be mine for about a 1.5-2 years since I got into grad school. Yes my friends, I was accepted into Carleton for International Affairs so come September I will be relocating to my nation's capital to pursue my lofty ambitions of having a career that involves travelling and (fingers crossed) wearing cute outfits as well. Hopefully I can go on exchange again-- South America is the dream.

For now I'm left wondering how I will cope without Czech pivo and friendly interaction with the locals (Ne! Nerozumim!). Serious about the pivo, not so serious about the locals. Although some of them do have really beautiful mullets.

Pictures

As the title indicates, I posted some more pictures--

Paris!!

March 2006 Brno Randomness

Nishant's Going Away Party

Policie eh?

On Friday night while doing a little bit of grocery shopping Nuria’s purse was stolen. Not a good thing, especially since she had 2 cell phones, her wallet, her passport, and other assorted valuables in there. She went to the police but we were pretty much resigned to the fact that she wouldn’t get it back.

Sunday afternoon we decided to take advantage of the beautiful spring weather and go for a walk. It was actually quite warm when we left the dorms so we decided to wear cropped pants and flip flops. We got some weird looks from the Czechs. It was a good idea when we left, but since the sun had set by the time we got back we were a little chilly. We were just walking into the dorms when we saw a sign telling Nuria to go to reception. We went there and the receptionist managed to explain to us (in Czech of course….) that the police had been there earlier to see Nuria. Just as she was finishing this up, the policeman came back! He was very nice man with a moustache and took me and Nuria to the police station because they found her bag!

We thought we were going to die on the way there because he drove like a maniac. When we got in we were going to put our seatbelts on, but they didn’t work. We managed to make some conversation on the way there. In almost 8 months of being in the Czech Republic, my knowledge of Czech is below basic. This was the conversation on the way to and in the car.

Me: (to the officer) Mluvíte anglicky? [Do you speak English?]
Policeman: Ne, nemluvím anglicky. Mluvíte česky? [No, I don’t speak English. Do you speak Czech?]
Me: Uhhh….maličku…[A little bit. Actually it translates to “small” so sometimes when you ask Czech people if they speak English they say….”small!”]
Policeman: (starts talking rapidly in Czech)
Me: Umm…. Nerozumím. [I don’t understand]

[in the car]
Policeman: (starts saying something again)
Me: Promiňte, nerozumím česky . [I’m sorry, I don’t understand Czech]
Policeman: Taky nemluvím anglicky nebo španělsky. Mluvím rusky! [I also don’t speak English or Spanish. I can speak Russian!]
Me: (laughs) Ahhh rusky není dobře! [Russian is no good!]
Policeman: (laughs)
Me: Dobře, dobře! [ok, good]

So basically, I can only say that I don’t speak Czech, I don’t understand, and whether something is good or bad. I guess that’s….good.

We got more weird looks once in the police station-- for being foreigners and for wearing flip flops and cropped pants when it was cold out, but everything turned out alright since Nuria got her purse back. It was missing the cell phones and some money (about 15 euro) but everything else was there! Nuria said that they must not have been real thieves, they left pretty much everything. They didn’t even smoke her cigarettes!

Afterwards we were total dorks and got a picture of Nuria with the police officer, he didn’t want to, but after we said “Prosím!” [Please!] he relented. That’s a good word to know too. The picture of Nuria and the policeman is right here!